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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?